An Email Affair (1 of 15)
An Email Affair (2 of 15)
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An Email Affair (7 of 15)
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An Email Affair (12 of 15)
An Email Affair (13 of 15)
An Email Affair (14 of 15)Dear Regi,

The movie is called The King’s Speech, not The King’s Thing.

Sorry I stood you up again, but there was just no point. As the time of our rendezvous drew nearer I found myself stuttering more and more. I am not going to spiritualize this by saying that God’s hand is in this, but maybe this thing was meant to start and end here. I mean, I had stopped stammering way before I graduated! I can’t believe you picked it up from the few innocent conversations we have had! I mean, I said you sing like an angel and you said I speak like a stroke victim? No wonder the thought of meeting up with you made me incoherent.

I’m not sure whether to close this email account before or after your next sarcastic email.

I suppose the only thing worse than a worm is a stuttering worm. No?

Your one-time-email-lover,





My darling Sou, 

Don’t worry about standing me up, you probably saved me another headache. And why would I want to write you a sarcastic email? After all, it’s not your fault that stammering make my skin crawl.

Come on, Sou, all I said was that you did a ‘cute’ thing with your voice. Was that enough to provoke a total breakdown? You couldn’t even finish three sentences in the fifteen minutes we spent at the cafe! We’d have talked more if we pulled out our blackberries! Well, there’s something worse than a stuttering worm – and it is a worm that won’t accept responsibility. Such a pity we tried to meet in the flesh. This thing was actually quite lovely in cyberspace and dreamspace :-). You really have to see a good psychiatrist. It would be sad if you started stuttering every time you saw a lovely woman. That would be a dead giveaway for Sylvia, won’t it. 

Anyway, if you haven’t closed your secret email account, I’ve now beaten you to it. 😉 

‘Ex-‘ rules apply as usual. You can be sure I’ll avoid your open mouth at communion services… but if you see my car driving down the bridge, go for a swim or something. 

Love you,

Regal Regi 

13 Replies to “An Email Affair (15 of 15)”

  1. Sandra says:

    What a woman!! You’ve done it again Sir. Maybe they can learn fron this and now commit themselves to their marital spouses.

  2. Chuma Nwokolo says:

    @Sandra… surely you’re not suggesting that the Devil is to become unemployed? 😉

    @KT… perhaps you mean ‘worm’?

  3. Ireti says:

    *Whew* Please start a new series (that will keep me awake till I have read the day’s episode) soon

  4. Chikodili says:

    I’m actually relived. After all this time pushing for the affair, I’m glad they didn’t do it. It would have been so…pointless. And I suspect, very very unsatisfying.

    1. Chuma Nwokolo says:

      It will probably be pointless only because a writer says so. The main roadblocks to extra-marital affairs are probably principles. The stammer is a deux machina on the same level as the fear of STDs and HIV… to be hurdled in real life 😉

  5. Jane says:

    If most potential affairs ended like this, there would be happier homes. Sir, what next should we expect? I must commend your work though. The appeal for me was the unpredictability. *thinking* what about…Facebook affair?

    1. Chuma Nwokolo says:

      @ Jane… Facebook… hmmm, as in instant messaging? Perhaps there is a cultural gap there for me, I will look deeper

      Will start a new series very soon. Watch this space!

  6. Wawa says:

    Thank you for graciously saving them from themselves, and us from ourselves. I couldn’t bear any more insults!

  7. Chuma says:

    @Wawa…’and us from ourselves’ – I like that touch!

    About the insults, is it not interesting how people who grow up without overt expressions of love eventually manipulate overt ‘insults’ into a kind of metalanguage, so that a third party will think that two parties to a slinging match actually hate each other, whereas the opposite is the case… and they BOTH know it?

  8. Ginger says:

    I finally read the email affair. Lovely lovely!! I love the voices of Sou and Regi and to be honest I identified with Regi so well. At least her forthrightness. Not the finicky part. And I surely would never say ‘someone’s stammering made me crawl’ that’s crushing.
    Sou made the right choice anyway. No need endangering the life with his wife for the flash that was Regi. What a temptress she was though….very persuasive.


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